You didn’t get that promotion, now what?
You were hoping for that big promotion and you didn’t get it.
Now you have to go through the pain of listening to the feedback as to why not.
You might be feeling disappointed, hurt, angry or embarrassed, I know I did when it happened to me. And it’s how my clients describe feeling when it happened to them.
You might be avoiding the conversation altogether.
I spent eight years at a professional services firm helping people pick themselves up from a promotion disappointment, bounce back and thrive.
And I’m going to share with you what I shared with them.
As much as it sucks right now in a year’s time you might just be thankful that you discovered your derailers before they scuppered you.
But first, how to survive the dreaded feedback meeting. And by the way, if one has not been offered, ask for it. This is your chance to get the information you need to decide your next steps, whatever they may be.
Rant, then move on
Before you meet with the person giving you your feedback take the time to express everything that you’re thinking and feeling to someone close to you.
Rant, rave, cry, but once you have, let it go.
Being stuck in the past isn’t going to help you succeed.
Take a deep breath, keep your mouth shut, listen
And by listen, I mean really understand what is being said.
Take notes
If you feel yourself getting defensive, angry, shutting down or being too accepting,
Pause
Take a deep breath (top tip, take water in with you so you can take a sip when you need to reset),
Remind yourself that as hard as it is to hear, you now have the information you need to succeed.
And remember feedback is just information. Some of it may resonate, some may not, you get to decide what you want to do with it.
Ask questions
Most clients I work with say the same thing: “I don’t really understand the feedback”. And let’s face it, most people are rubbish at giving feedback and will often suggest solutions that would work for them in the same situation.
But they aren’t you and what works for them isn’t going to automatically work for you.
Ignore any suggestions of how to change and instead focus on what they want to see from you.
The problem with most feedback meetings is that they are not two way. You can choose to make it so.
Firstly, DO NOT disagree with the feedback or try to defend yourself against it. You need information and you won’t get it by being defensive.
Secondly, use a neutral tone as much as possible, and if you feel like you can’t, take notes and ask permission to come back with questions later.
Questions like:
– What are the things you’d expect to see from me that you aren’t?
– What are the things you’d expect to see from me that you are? (keep it balanced)
Acknowledge your strengths
In the face of criticism it’s hard to imagine that you have any strengths at all, but you do. Take time to hear these and acknowledge them, then ask how you could be leveraging them more.
Ask Permission to Follow up
When you reflect, you’ll start to realise that there were more questions that you want to ask about your feedback. Ask permission to check back in. This will also demonstrate that you’ve listened, taken the points on board, and are serious about your development.
It may not seem like it, but they want you to succeed too.
Say thank-you
It doesn’t mean that you agree with the feedback points but it does demonstrate maturity and shows you acknowledge that the conversation isn’t easy for them either.
Bounce back
You’ve survived the feedback and it’s time to thrive. If you need a little more time to lick your wounds then take it. But time box it: the sooner you start addressing the feedback, the faster you’ll feel like you’re thriving.
You’ll probably be offered a lot of support.
Take it.
Those that bounce back the fastest are those that lean on their network to get them through the toughest times. You’d do it for someone you cared about so let others do it for you.
Take this opportunity to learn from the experience and bounce back even stronger than before. As my Nan always said, “if you’re not making mistakes then you’re not making anything.”
Inspired by this article I’ve created the Bounce Back & Thrive 1-2-1 Coaching Programme for senior people in professional services firms.
I’ve taken my combined experience as:
– A client facing auditor (I’m ex CISA and CIA)
– Learning & Development Manager for Deloitte, Audit & Risk Advisory responsible for leadership development
– An MSc in Organisational Behaviour from Birkbeck
– Accredited coach through the European Mentoring and Coaching Council with 900+ hours client work
to develop a programme that will help you address what’s holding you back and create the impact you need to get promoted.
If it sounds like something you need to get promoted then book a call to talk. We’ll discuss where you are now and I’ll let you know at the end of the call if I can help.
